Saying Goodbye

Lewie's funeral was perfect in every way that a funeral can be.  I have never attended a more uplifting and testimony building meeting than my nephew's funeral.  I am still amazed by Mitch and Rach.  Words cannot express how much I admire and love them.  It was beyond touching to watch Mitch carry Lewie's coffin around.  He loved his son more than I have ever seen a father love a son before.  Mitch is an amazing uncle and an inspiring father.  You ask any of these cute cousins who their favorite uncle is and they'll tell you Mitch!  He has definitely inspired me to be a better parent.  I cannot wait to watch Mitch become a father again!

It amazed me how much love and thought Mitch and Rach put into Lewie's funeral.  I was touched when I took over the programs for them to see.  They cuddled up on the couch and read through it with happy expressions.  It felt like they were planning a very special birthday party for their little guy.  It broke my heart to see them so excited about their son's funeral programs and all the little details we had planned. 

A few days before the funeral I asked Luke if he could think of a gift to give his cousin Lewie.  He collects Schleich horses and there is one horse they make that looks just like Lewie's Ride.  It's amazing how similar they are.  Zoey had three white stocking feet which is very rare so I think it was meant to be when we found this horse.  Luke gave it to Mitch and Rach the day before the funeral and asked them to put it in the casket with Lewie.  I hope that Luke will always remember that and think of Lewie when he visits Zoey.

The day before the funeral the boys and I were driving in the car, I looked in the back and saw a sad little face.  I asked Luke what was wrong and he replied, "I never got to see my cousin Lewie."  It broke my heart to hear this.  I could tell that he loved his cousin and knew he was gone.  Mitch and Rach couldn't decide if they wanted an open casket or not since poor Lewie had been so swollen.  The morning of the funeral Mitch pulled me aside and asked me to come look at Lewie.  I was amazed and overjoyed to see him so peaceful and sweet.  After the family prayer they asked the grandkids to come say goodbye to Lewie.  Luke just smiled at his sweet cousin.  I am grateful that he was able to finally see Lewie!  

Church is never easy for us and I rarely get much out of it thanks to my boys.  However, this time in this meeting I wanted to focus and listen.  That is why for the first time we charged up the iPad, loaded it with church games, and handed it over to Luke.  Towards the end he started to get tired of the LDS apps and asked if he could play Clash of Clans.  I gave the go ahead...whatever would keep him quiet so I could listen.  Mitch had always planned on speaking at the funeral but at the last minute Rach decided to speak also.  I don't think I could have done it...actually I know I couldn't have because I could hardly give the opening prayer.  They simply amaze me...have I mention that before?!?!  

In Rach's talk she described how she was prepared by her little puppy Hallie.  This was a small trial that was preparing Rach for Lewie.  Obviously nothing can prepare you fully but now Rach can look back and see Hallie as a tender mercy from our Heavenly Father preparing her for what was to come.  I remember she said, "Even though I can't hold my son or dress him in all the cute clothes I have for him I know he is in a better place and where he is supposed to be."  This hurt me so much to hear.  I could not believe that perspective and peace that Rach had.  I don't know if I could have gained that perspective so quickly.  Mitch's talk was very well presented and he reminded me that he definitely has a gift with words.  He helped everyone to see that Lewie lived a full life and completed his mission here on earth.  He described Lewie up in heaven being a valiant missionary and I couldn't help but picture a young man that looked like Mitch serving on the other side.  Mitch conveyed the peace that he felt and how he knew for certain that this was the Lord's plan.  

I wanted something that all the cousins could remember that day with.  The only idea I came up with was releasing balloons.  Mitch talked with Rach and they thought it was a great idea.  I made little tags and delivered them to all the cousins the day before.  They each decorated their tag for Lewie and then tied it to a balloon that morning.  On the front of Luke's tag he drew a picture of him and Lewie holding hands and then attached a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle sticker to the back.  I am sure Lewie loved it!  When they released them at the graveside I was overjoyed to see the happy little expressions on their face as they waved at their balloons sailing up to Lewie.  I hope they will always remember this and think of Lewie when they do. 

 It had been a downpour earlier that morning but quickly cleared away so that Lewie could have a perfect day.  Nothing can replace Lewie but the peace that was felt after his funeral was unmistakeable. I love my nephew and I am so grateful he came into our lives!  For weeks and months after the funeral Luke would still pray for Lewie and nothing else.  He would pray for him to be a good missionary and play nice with the other kids in heaven.  A few times he even prayed for him to have fun playing hide-n-go-seek with Grandpa Waite in heaven.  It's very precious to hear the tender prayers that Luke offers for his cousin.  He will always hold a special place in his heart!

Our Sweet Lewie

 I still can hardly even think about our sweet Lewie without crying.  It still seems like a bad dream that he's really gone.  If you would have asked me two weeks ago or even a week ago I would have said that Lewie was a fighter and he was going to be coming home any day now.  For some unknown reason our little guy took a turn for the worse.  He started swelling and there was no explanation and nothing could be done.  It was agonizing to watch the poor baby suffer.  You knew that we was miserable and fading fast.  I was still very faithful and optimistic.  I would talk about solutions and Mitch would remind me, "Stop fighting Aubrey, we've turned it over to the Lord."  I could tell from Mitch's texts and words that he was somehow at peace.  He wasn't worrying anymore and was relying completely on the Lord.  

The night before Lewie passed I was still fasting and praying.  I couldn't sleep  until strangely at 2:00 am I had the most wonderful feeling of peace come over me.  I finally got some rest and first thing that morning texted my dad to see how our sweet guy was doing.  I was sure I would get some great news and once again our prayers had been answered.  Sadly, my mom replied that they were taking him off the ventilator and I should hurry up to the hospital for the name and blessing.  I quickly threw the boys in the car and rushed up to Primary.  I sobbed the entire way not understanding what was going on.  Lewie was supposed to make it.  

When I arrived at the hospital I hurried and dropped the boys off at daycare and ran to Lewie's room.  I had just missed my nephew's blessing.  I held Mitch and then Rach in my arms and sobbed.  As I hugged my brother and sister in-law I couldn't explain the pain I was feeling for them.  Not wanting to spread germs to precious Lewie I had never dared touch his face before.  This time as I said goodbye to my little nephew I kissed his tender face and rested my cheek on his forehead for the last time.  The love I felt was immense and I didn't want him to suffer any longer.  As I watched Mitch and Rach and looked around the room at our siblings it hurt me to think how young we all were.  Especially Mitch and Rach were too young and innocent to go through something like this.  Watching them say goodbye to their son was the hardest and saddest thing I have ever witnessed.  

I was touched as the doctors came in to do their final assessment.  They were emotional and you could tell they too hurt for Mitch and Rach.  Lewie's number one and favorite nurse Mary was there that day.  It wouldn't have been the same without her.  When I hugged Mary goodbye I couldn't believe how sad I was to not be seeing her on a regular basis and talk to her.  A representative from the hospital came in to give Mitch and Rach a baby blanket as a keepsake.  My mom and I both gasped when we saw the blanket.  It was out of the same rocking horse fabric that Mitch's baby blanket had been made from over twenty years ago.  It was a tender mercy that touched all of us.  

As we were saying our last goodbyes to Lewie Mitch asked me to go get the carseat out of his car.  We had given them our carseat when Brody was done with it.  Mitch had been very protective of it...he didn't want anyone moving it from his car.  For forty-five days it sat there in the car buckled and waiting.  Every time I walked by their car at the hospital and saw it in there I hurt.  It hurt to see it there empty and not being used.  

As we were driving home from the hospital Luke said he was hungry so we pulled over at Dunk N Donuts.  Luke asked why were getting donuts for lunch and I replied, "We deserve donuts today."  While waiting in the drive thru Mitch's final update text came through.

Today Lewie Hyde Waite passed away in his mother and father's arms. Let me tell you though that my testimony in the gospel has never been stronger. I honestly don't know how people go through life and its trials without the gospel. From the moment Lewie was born and we were told that his precious body wasn't whole, I dreaded this day. I broke out in tears just thinking about losing Lewie. I couldn't handle the thought of saying goodbye to Lewie before he could even walk. But, when the moment came, I felt such immense and incomprehensible peace and it is because I underestimated the power of the atonement. Christ's comforting hands are wrapped around us. I feel the comfort and joy because we know where Lewie is and now I know exactly where Rach and I need to be in order to see Lewie again. Elder Kikuchi had given Lewie two blessings to become a valiant missionary. I know on the other side of the veil that he is already receiving his calling and going to work. This challenge has not made us question our beliefs or filled us with anger towards god. In fact it has had the exact opposite effect. Lewie is happy and at peace and more importantly, he has been granted a special place in the upper most echelon of heaven. Thank you for your prayers and your fasts. I think that this experience has brought us all so much closer together.

As I thought about what Mitch had said I realized the feelings I had felt last night.  I believe that I felt peace because Lewie had already gone to heaven and he wasn't suffering anymore.  Lewie knew what his purpose was here on earth.  We were just having a hard time accepting it.  Yes the Lord blessed him and answered our prayers.  We saw miracles time and time again with little Lewie.  There is no doubt in my mind that Lewie had a mission here on earth and he fulfilled it triumphantly.  It amazes me to see the multitudes of people sweet Lewie touched.  Particularly in our own family, we all learned something from him and are much better people because of him.  Even though Lewie only lived 45 days he accomplished great things.  Words cannot express the love I have for my sweet nephew and I cannot wait to see him again!

             

Yellowstone

The Waite family always goes to Yellowstone over the 4th of July.  I'm not really a fan of Yellowstone, I think I went there too many times as a child.  I know I'm the only one of my siblings that feels this way.  However, Mark is less of a fan than I am.  When we first got married he agreed that we could go to Yellowstone every five years.  So when everyone started talking about this year's trip Mark knew he didn't want to go.  One night I started to explain to him how much Luke would love Yellowstone and we haven't really been on a trip with my family in a while.  His only response was, "I said we would go every five years, we're not going this year."  I then had to remind him that this year was the fifth year.  This silenced Mark for a few minutes before he muttered, "Damn it."  Even though Mark really dreaded going and I wasn't too excited about the forecast and didn't feel good about leaving Lewie off we went to make Luke happy!  

My dad, mom, Thomas, Pat, Becca, and Grandpa and Grandma Talbot went the day before us and had a great day with perfect weather and seeing lots of wildlife.  Our first day also started out great, we went a fun hike which was something Mark wanted to do.  The best part of the hike was the suspended walking bridge over a huge river.  Luke found himself a walking stick and was set.  He loved watching Uncle Pat throw huge rocks over the bridge and crash into the water.  Brods was a champ in his backpack.  He stuck his binky in and didn't complain once!  I started to feel good about the trip until my prediction came true...the rain hit.  

This was not just a little bit of rain...it was a downpour.  Everyday we realized we only had about a few hours in the morning before the rain would hit.  We tried to do as much as we could in the mornings.  Somedays we were confined to eating lunch in our cars if you were lucky enough to be in the food car. Our car was the snack car so we lived on donut holes and Hi-Chews.  Mark didn't complain about that diet!  At night we would hang out in our cozy cabins with the fire lit.  One night we were exhausted and dirty.  Becca and I were just excited to get back to our clean cabin.  When we arrived we found that they had forgotten to clean our cabin and there was no one still working.  This didn't improve Aunt Becca's night one bit.  

Despite the rain Luke was in heaven and enjoyed every minute of it!  I bought him a pair of Jr. Ranger binoculars at Mammoth and he never took them off.  He was always scoping out wildlife and looking for bears.  Luke was able to see seven bears on our trip so that made the trip worth it.  We were even able to meet up with Will, Rose, and Annie at Old Faithful.  It was fun to see them and eat our hundredth bowl of Yellowstone ice cream!  On our last day we decided to make a quick stop so the boys could see a huge heard of buffalo.  It turned out to be a very good stop.  In about a mile distance we saw a black bear and her cub cross the rode in front of our car,  a large heard of antelope cross the road, and a huge heard of buffalo right off the road.  This was the perfect way for Luke and Brody to end our trip.  The boys had seen lots of wildlife, Mark went on his hike, and I ate my blueberry pancakes at the Roosevelt Lodge.  It was a good trip full of good memories!  As we drove out of Yellowstone Mark told the boys to say goodbye to Yellowstone for five years.  He'll be lucky if he can keep Lukers away for that long!