Easter Eggs

I'm noticing that as the boys get older it is becoming harder and harder to get pictures of them. Mainly because they are moving so fast and I can never get a clear shot of them. Dying Easter eggs was the same way. They were so busy putting eggs in the cups and pulling them out...it was like a whirlwind. 

I had to keep slowing them down because they were more concerned about getting all the eggs done instead of making sure they actually had color on them. Luke had the brilliant idea to blow on the eggs and maybe the color would stick faster. My Luke is always thinking and his mind going a million miles a second. This was about the only decent pic I was able to get of them while they slowed down to blow on the eggs. Which they were sure worked by the way! 

Every year we plant our grass way too late so this year I was determined to start early but I maybe started too early. We had to give our grass hair cuts every couple of days. It looked darling though when I filled their baskets that night. Sweet Clara's basket looked a little sad next her brothers' baskets but what do you give a one month old?! 

Too Scary...Never Again Please

About fifteen minutes after getting home from the hospital I realized that Walgreens was about to close so I asked mark to run and get my prescriptions. It was time to feed Clara so I decided to change her and put a gown on her. I had obviously waited too long to feed her because she was hysterical and starved. The boys were of course wanting to be involved and helping. By the time I got her out to the couch to eat she was not happy.  Clara has never stared sucking right away so when I put her up to feed and she wasn't sucking I wondered what was going on. I pulled her away from me and her face was blue. 

The first thing that popped in my head was that I didn't know CPR but my neighbor did. I called the Tysons and they didn't answer. I started bouncing her up and down and blowing in her face but she was till blue and limp. For the first time in my life I realized that I actually had to call 911.

I started to explain the situation and the lady said paramedics were on their way. Right then Mark walked in and said, "What is going on?" I showed Clara to him and instantly went to action. He grabbed her, laid her down on the bed and ripped her clothes off to started rubbing her body as fast as he could. She instantly jolted and started breathing. 

I was still on the phone and explained that she was alert and her coloring was returning to normal. Maybe I had panicked so I told her that I thought Clara was okay and paramedics didn't need to come. She said they were already on their way and should see her just to be safe. By now I was in her room rocking her and the paramedics arrived.

She was still in her onesie and they instantly hooked her up to the EKG. To me she seemed fine but they said her heart rate was in the 70's and half of what it should be. They watched it for a few minutes and it didn't change so they decided to take her by ambulance to Primary Children's. 

I felt like I was in a dream and didn't know what to do or grab. They took her out to the ambulance while I grabbed her diaper bag and a few pads and spray bottle for me. Luke ran in and told me to be sure to take her softest blanket. Mark came in and said I think we should wait and give her a blessing and then it hit me what was happening. Something was wrong with my baby and she was being taken away. As I walked out to the ambulance I looked back and saw my boys with their fireman hats and stickers standing in the doorway. I felt so helpless and torn not knowing what to do with my boys.

Apparently a few of the neighbors had come and asked what was wrong and the firemen kept telling them they were just friends of ours. They do this to give people privacy. Luckily, two of our neighbors knew better and refused to leave. Estee told me not to worry about the boys and she would stay with them while Blake came to the ambulance to give Clara a blessing with Mark. The blessing was so comforting and then we were off with Mark following closely behind.

The paramedics did a great job and trying to make small talk with me and keep me calm as we drove to the hospital. They kept a close eye on her heart rate that was still not coming up. As we arrived at the hospital they rushed Clara right inside and started going to work. Within minutes she was hooked up to machines and IVs and having fluids drawn. Mark and I just sat there in disbelief as the chaos was going on around us.

The doctor came in and asked me to tell him exactly what happened. As I recounted the events he listened patiently and contemplated. Then he asked if we had a history of heart disease in our family and then it hit me...Lewie. I broke down and couldn't get control of myself. It was a nightmare that I knew I couldn't relive. Mark briefly told them about Lewie's history. The doctor explained that right now there is nothing they can to see explain her heart rate and therefor they need to believe it's either an infection or a heart condition. He wanted to do a spinal tap to rule out an infection like meningitis. 

They cleared out the dozens of nurses and doctors in order to do the spinal tap. Mark and I sat in the chairs and quietly watched as the two doctors and the nurse began the procedure. Poor Clara still hadn't had anything to eat and was beyond miserable to begin with. Before the procedure I had tried to give her as much of the sugar water as I could to help calm her.

The doctors literally had to bend her in half to begin the procedure and she was hysterical. Mark and I felt so helpless sitting there and watching her suffer, we both just sobbed and held hands. The nurse kept reminding me that she wouldn't remember anything. I think it was more the thought of a heart condition that was making me hurt. I couldn't handle losing my baby girl let alone even the thought of it.

After the spinal tap was done they informed us that it didn't even work. She was too little and dehydrated to even get any fluids out. Great...grr! The doctor said that it was protocol to start her on antibiotics and get her checked in until they could determine a cause.

My parents were out in the waiting room so I called and asked them to go home and get the boys and bring stuff back out to us since we would be there for a while. Since it was about midnight by this point and her heart rate and oxygen levels were still very low they decided to check Clara in the cardiac unit and have her checked in the morning by the cardiologists.

The last two nights in the hospital I kept thinking how nice it would be to get home and sleep in my own bed and now tonight Mark and I were sharing a couch next to Clara's crib. Definitely not what I had anticipated. On top of that the first time I decide to try nursing a baby and I am told that I will just have to pump while she is at the hospital. So not how I was planning on starting Clara's life but I was grateful that she was alive and in good hands.

The next morning the pediatricians finally came in and met with us. They asked me to go back over what had happened the night before. Both agreed that what likely happened was called an ALTE (apparent life threatening event). Apparently they are common in babies and there is no explanation as to why they happen. However, there was definitely something else going on since her heart rate and oxygen levels had stayed so low for so long last night.  

When the cardiologists arrived I was both terrified and relieved. They both listened closely to her and went over her EKG. The cardiologists agreed that there was a heart murmur for sure and they needed to look closer at it. They ordered an echo and requested to get blood pressure on different parts of her body. It was a long day of tests.

We had completed a few of the blood pressure tests but she would come undone when we would try to do it on her right arm. It was so tiring and heartbreaking watching her suffer over and over as we tried to do it. The nurses decided to take a break and do her echo. It was an extremely bad RSV season so when she left her room for her echo they tented her crib so that no one in the hospital could  breath on her. I was amazed at the care and love the nurses had while we were there. 

During her echo I sad in the dark room holding Mark's hand and sobbed. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life. I sat and watched the images on the screen...not sure what I was looking at but just praying that everything was fine and normal. Since it was a holiday and the end of the day again they were wanting to get out of there so they had her report back pretty quick. 

The cardiologist drew a picture for us and explained that she had a hole in her heart that should heal on its own and that her pulmonary arteries were underdeveloped. Hopefully her arteries will develop on their own. They will bring her in regularly to monitor them and if they have not developed by six months they will have to go in and balloon them. 

I cannot describe the relief I felt when she explained everything. However, I wasn't thrilled when she said we could head home. The thought of unhooking all the machines and monitors terrified me. I knew there would be a few sleepless nights ahead. It was so nice though to finally hold my baby girl again and swaddle her up without worrying about the cords getting in the way. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father that he watched over my Clara and kept her safe and that she was able to get the care she needed. We are so blessed to have her healthy and in our lives. I cannot begin to express my love for her!   

Ready To Go Home

Luke couldn't wait one more minute to get his sister home. He started asking Mark first thing that morning if it was time to go to the hospital. Luke could hardly wait to snuggle his sister. Of course it took all day to finally get checked out of the hospital. 

During Clara's stay at the hospital all the nurses would joke about how wide awake she was...not something I was hoping for but oh well. When it came time to take a picture of her all dressed up and ready to go she was wide awake and moving her little arms everywhere. It was impossible to get a shot of her. However, when I put her in her seat she calmed right down. It always amazes me how small they look in their car seats. The buckles are so big I wonder how safe they really are. I could hardly wait to get Clara home and finally be back with my boys. I ached to be with them.

When I got down to the car Luke was literally jumping all over inside the car with excitement. He watched Clara the entire drive home and reported on any movement she made. It was so nice to be together as a family again.

The second we walked in the door Luke begged to hold Clara. We sat him down and let him have her. He was so sweet with her and his heart melted...he was in love. Brody was so nervous and wouldn't come near her. He was intrigued but definitely nervous. 

Valentine's Day

I took pictures of the boys a few weeks before Clara arrived so that I would have their Valentine's Day cards ready to send out. We kept it simple and just did pictures on my bed with a few sugar cookies. Luke however, was very intrigued by the pink milk and couldn't wait to take a sip. 

Whenever we take pictures I always just want one good picture...I don't need a hundred to hangup but just one. They did amazing this time and I was able to get quite a few. My favorite is the one of them laughing. They were teasing each other about their girlfriends. 

Clara's Valentine's Day picture of course took place in the hospital. She was a day old and very easy to snap a picture of. When I bought this outfit for Clara it looked so small and I was sure it would be too tight on her. It always amazes me when I put the premie outfits on my newborns and they are too big. I couldn't have asked for a better Valentine's Day! It wasn't very conventional but it was perfect. 

Hospital Pictures

I took a few pictures to document our stay at the hospital. I always cherish my hospital stay because it's the one time I get to spend with just my baby. As much as I ache to see my other children I know I need to soak it in while I can. 

I loved my view whenever I would look over at Clara's bassinet. Seeing her little face sleeping peaceful was such a blessing. Every time I would look over I would be in awe of how perfect and beautiful she was. I couldn't get over her perfect puffy lips. 

Her poor feet had been poked so many times it broke my heart but I knew it was for the best. She had bandaids on top of bandaids on her sweet feet. One thing that I was in love with was all of her hair. I couldn't get over how much hair she had. There is nothing sweeter than a head full of fuzzy newborn hair!

First Bath

Clara literally thought she was going to die during her first bath. She was so mad at that nurse and let her know it too. The nurse kept saying, "Wow, you definitely have good lungs on you!" 

Since it was such a busy day they were almost all out of bows and bow glue but luckily I found the perfect bow for our Valentine's baby. As much as I loved the bow and the thought of finally having a little girl that I dress up the mother and worrier in me kept covering her bow up with a warm cap. I laughed though because every time she would come back from the nursery they had removed the cap and redone her hair. I guess if the nurses didn't worry then why did I ha ha?! 

The way Clara smelled when she was done was heaven...it is one of my most favorite smells and I never want to forget it. She was definitely worn out from her bath and fell right asleep all bundled up!

She's Here!

I had been stressing about when to schedule my induction for Clara. I wanted try and get her birthday as far away from Valentine's Day as possible. My last appointment with Dr. Spencer he thought that I should be induced a week early since I was already dilated to a four and 100% effaced. The only problem was it meant her birthday would be Friday, February 13th. Yikes...not the day I was hoping for. When I told Mark and Dr. Spencer that I didn't want her birthday and Valentine's Day to be so close because then one day her husband would just combine the two. They both laughed and said, "That's brilliant!" That's exactly why I didn't them so close. However, I decided it was probably best to listen to the doctor so we schedule her induction for February 13th!

The name Clara wasn't really after anyone we knew, however, there was a girl named Clara in our ward. The Sunday before we were singing to her in primary for her birthday. I stopped her mom in the hall during the song and asked when her Clara's birthday was. She said, "The 13th!" So crazy that both Clara's would have twinner birthdays.

The morning of her induction I got up at 4am to get ready to go to the hospital. By 6am we were ready to head to the hospital when the phone rang saying they were slammed and I should wait to come into the hospital. Seriously the most depressing thing to hear! By 9am it was time for Grandma Day and we still hadn't heard anything so we decided to take the boys over to my mom's and see if we hear anything. We sat around for an hour without any good news so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I told Mark we were just going to head to the hospital and pretend like we were told to come in. 

When we got there I told the front desk that we were told to come in and they said the labor and delivery was still slammed. The one nurse told us to go get some lunch and then come back in an hour and she would have our room ready. So we ran to the closest place, Corner Bakery, and grabbed lunch. I was so anxious to get back to the hospital so I hurried back as quick as we could.

When we arrived they got us right in to our room and got me hooked up to the machines. When the nurse checked me she couldn't believe how far along I already was. I knew that this delivery was going to be a quick one. Dr Spencer came in and told us this was one of the craziest days of his career. He had already delivered seven babies that day. It was a record breaking day in labor and delivery. 

Since it was a crazy day and I was already at a four I asked right away for my epidural. It still took a while to get my epidural and I was in quite a bit of pain when Dr. Silver finally arrived. I was so excited to see him. I couldn't wait for relief from the contractions. Surprisingly after my epidural I was still in a lot of pain. They got permission to up my medicine and finally had relief. The nurse checked me one more time and I was at a six. 

By this point I had been hooked up to the machines for about thirty minutes. I was excited to finally get some relief and relax and wait until my baby girl arrived. About fifteen minutes later, however, I was in a lot of pain and asked the nurse to come check me. I was dilated to a ten and I could feel her coming out. The nurse told me I needed to hang on because Dr. Spencer was on his way. 

When Dr. Spener walked in I had a flood of relief wash over me. He sat right down and said, "Okay go ahead and push." I gave it one push and he said, "We have a head and you need to look at how much hair she has." I thought this was such a funny thing to say while I was in the middle of pushing so thought he was joking but nope he told me again to look down at her head full of hair. I pushed one more time and she was out. The first thing I said was, "It's a girl right!" 

I couldn't believe she was actually here and I had a daughter. I couldn't wait to hold her. They instantly gave her to me and she calmed right now on my chest. I had no plan on nursing but for some reason decided to try it out and I was amazed how quickly Clara latched right now and started sucking. For some reason this time it seemed so natural and easy. I could have held her forever and I was so sad when they took her away from me to get cleaned up. 

The NICU nurse came in and said they needed to take Clara to the nursery because her blood sugar was too low and her weight compared to her gestation age was a concern. Mark went with her and fed her a bottle while in there to get her blood sugar back up. While they were gone I was taken to my room and got situated. I was so relieved when they both returned and Clara didn't have to stay. The NICU nurse said they would just monitor her blood sugar levels regularly during her stay. She also said that Clara had tested COOMS positive which meant that our blood had mixed during labor and she would more susceptible to jaundice. Luke had jaundice and I definitely didn't want to repeat that.