About fifteen minutes after getting home from the hospital I realized that Walgreens was about to close so I asked mark to run and get my prescriptions. It was time to feed Clara so I decided to change her and put a gown on her. I had obviously waited too long to feed her because she was hysterical and starved. The boys were of course wanting to be involved and helping. By the time I got her out to the couch to eat she was not happy. Clara has never stared sucking right away so when I put her up to feed and she wasn't sucking I wondered what was going on. I pulled her away from me and her face was blue.
The first thing that popped in my head was that I didn't know CPR but my neighbor did. I called the Tysons and they didn't answer. I started bouncing her up and down and blowing in her face but she was till blue and limp. For the first time in my life I realized that I actually had to call 911.
I started to explain the situation and the lady said paramedics were on their way. Right then Mark walked in and said, "What is going on?" I showed Clara to him and instantly went to action. He grabbed her, laid her down on the bed and ripped her clothes off to started rubbing her body as fast as he could. She instantly jolted and started breathing.
I was still on the phone and explained that she was alert and her coloring was returning to normal. Maybe I had panicked so I told her that I thought Clara was okay and paramedics didn't need to come. She said they were already on their way and should see her just to be safe. By now I was in her room rocking her and the paramedics arrived.
She was still in her onesie and they instantly hooked her up to the EKG. To me she seemed fine but they said her heart rate was in the 70's and half of what it should be. They watched it for a few minutes and it didn't change so they decided to take her by ambulance to Primary Children's.
I felt like I was in a dream and didn't know what to do or grab. They took her out to the ambulance while I grabbed her diaper bag and a few pads and spray bottle for me. Luke ran in and told me to be sure to take her softest blanket. Mark came in and said I think we should wait and give her a blessing and then it hit me what was happening. Something was wrong with my baby and she was being taken away. As I walked out to the ambulance I looked back and saw my boys with their fireman hats and stickers standing in the doorway. I felt so helpless and torn not knowing what to do with my boys.
Apparently a few of the neighbors had come and asked what was wrong and the firemen kept telling them they were just friends of ours. They do this to give people privacy. Luckily, two of our neighbors knew better and refused to leave. Estee told me not to worry about the boys and she would stay with them while Blake came to the ambulance to give Clara a blessing with Mark. The blessing was so comforting and then we were off with Mark following closely behind.
The paramedics did a great job and trying to make small talk with me and keep me calm as we drove to the hospital. They kept a close eye on her heart rate that was still not coming up. As we arrived at the hospital they rushed Clara right inside and started going to work. Within minutes she was hooked up to machines and IVs and having fluids drawn. Mark and I just sat there in disbelief as the chaos was going on around us.
The doctor came in and asked me to tell him exactly what happened. As I recounted the events he listened patiently and contemplated. Then he asked if we had a history of heart disease in our family and then it hit me...Lewie. I broke down and couldn't get control of myself. It was a nightmare that I knew I couldn't relive. Mark briefly told them about Lewie's history. The doctor explained that right now there is nothing they can to see explain her heart rate and therefor they need to believe it's either an infection or a heart condition. He wanted to do a spinal tap to rule out an infection like meningitis.
They cleared out the dozens of nurses and doctors in order to do the spinal tap. Mark and I sat in the chairs and quietly watched as the two doctors and the nurse began the procedure. Poor Clara still hadn't had anything to eat and was beyond miserable to begin with. Before the procedure I had tried to give her as much of the sugar water as I could to help calm her.
The doctors literally had to bend her in half to begin the procedure and she was hysterical. Mark and I felt so helpless sitting there and watching her suffer, we both just sobbed and held hands. The nurse kept reminding me that she wouldn't remember anything. I think it was more the thought of a heart condition that was making me hurt. I couldn't handle losing my baby girl let alone even the thought of it.
After the spinal tap was done they informed us that it didn't even work. She was too little and dehydrated to even get any fluids out. Great...grr! The doctor said that it was protocol to start her on antibiotics and get her checked in until they could determine a cause.
My parents were out in the waiting room so I called and asked them to go home and get the boys and bring stuff back out to us since we would be there for a while. Since it was about midnight by this point and her heart rate and oxygen levels were still very low they decided to check Clara in the cardiac unit and have her checked in the morning by the cardiologists.
The last two nights in the hospital I kept thinking how nice it would be to get home and sleep in my own bed and now tonight Mark and I were sharing a couch next to Clara's crib. Definitely not what I had anticipated. On top of that the first time I decide to try nursing a baby and I am told that I will just have to pump while she is at the hospital. So not how I was planning on starting Clara's life but I was grateful that she was alive and in good hands.
The next morning the pediatricians finally came in and met with us. They asked me to go back over what had happened the night before. Both agreed that what likely happened was called an ALTE (apparent life threatening event). Apparently they are common in babies and there is no explanation as to why they happen. However, there was definitely something else going on since her heart rate and oxygen levels had stayed so low for so long last night.
When the cardiologists arrived I was both terrified and relieved. They both listened closely to her and went over her EKG. The cardiologists agreed that there was a heart murmur for sure and they needed to look closer at it. They ordered an echo and requested to get blood pressure on different parts of her body. It was a long day of tests.
We had completed a few of the blood pressure tests but she would come undone when we would try to do it on her right arm. It was so tiring and heartbreaking watching her suffer over and over as we tried to do it. The nurses decided to take a break and do her echo. It was an extremely bad RSV season so when she left her room for her echo they tented her crib so that no one in the hospital could breath on her. I was amazed at the care and love the nurses had while we were there.
During her echo I sad in the dark room holding Mark's hand and sobbed. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life. I sat and watched the images on the screen...not sure what I was looking at but just praying that everything was fine and normal. Since it was a holiday and the end of the day again they were wanting to get out of there so they had her report back pretty quick.
The cardiologist drew a picture for us and explained that she had a hole in her heart that should heal on its own and that her pulmonary arteries were underdeveloped. Hopefully her arteries will develop on their own. They will bring her in regularly to monitor them and if they have not developed by six months they will have to go in and balloon them.
I cannot describe the relief I felt when she explained everything. However, I wasn't thrilled when she said we could head home. The thought of unhooking all the machines and monitors terrified me. I knew there would be a few sleepless nights ahead. It was so nice though to finally hold my baby girl again and swaddle her up without worrying about the cords getting in the way. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father that he watched over my Clara and kept her safe and that she was able to get the care she needed. We are so blessed to have her healthy and in our lives. I cannot begin to express my love for her!
